What's the best way to get her to breed?

[MattKennedy]

All of my females have bred for me this year and are due to lay in the next couple weeks...except one. Chili was my male normal up until recently. A couple weeks ago we discovered that "he" is actually a "she". I had never actually probed him myself since I bought him early in my corn obsession and had a vet probe him. I witnessed the probing, and he probed deep. However, I probed him a couple weeks ago and he probed less than a quarter inch. So, I assume Chili is a female...the males I have placed her with sure seem to agree with me.

Anyway, the problem I have is that Chili won't breed for me. She's been with 4 or 5 interested males in the last couple weeks and she won't give it up for me. I've tried everything to breed her. I've even held her tail up to assist my male in succeeding and tried "tag-teaming" her. Apparently, she's not into that. ...And neither am I. I've tried placing two males in with her to try to start up a competition and allow her to choose her man, but she just pins her tail to the bottom of the cage and screams "NO!". I've tried her on an aspen substrate and a newspaper substrate. I've done everything except try to get her drunk or drugged and, to be honest, I'm beginning to think that slipping some gin into her water isn't such a bad idea anymore.

What should I do? Should I just give up on her and wait until next year? Lately, when she looks at me, I can tell she's begun to view me as a common pimp. I don't want her to feel that way about me; we've always had a pretty good relationship.

How can I save my relationship, but still turn her into the tart I desperately want her to be?

I wonder what Dear Abby would say...

Matt